10 Things We Predict Will Happen in Breaking Bad Season 5

By J. Goodman & Dre Rivas

Two weeks until the best damn television show comes roaring back for it’s fifth and final season. Lot of speculation about what’s going to happen. The fourth season ended on a climactic note. Rumor has it that that season was intended to be the last. A fifth season wasn’t envisioned [Ed. note: Technically Vince Gilligan just wasn’t sure because AMC were being a-holes]. The powers that be, however, said otherwise, and here we are with a fifth one. Can the creative team behind the show upshift back into 5th gear just like that? Is the engine going to stall? Assuming they didn’t blow their entire wad last year, what exactly do they have left up their sleeves?

Fortunately for you, at Fully Operational, we can see into the future [Ed. note: not really]. From our ‘crystal’ ball (get it?) we’re going to let you in on the biggest spoiler news since before refrigerators became affordable [Ed. note: maybe your grandparents would find that joke funny]. We’re going to tell you what’s going to happen in Season 5 of Breaking Bad!

For each one that we get right, all you have to do is admit to yourself that we nailed it. And since it it’s etched in immortality on the internet, everyone will have to recognize the genius. For each one we get wrong, lets agree it’s only because the show’s creators intervened and changed the script because they were jealous how badly we nailed it.

So, in somewhat chronological order:

1. Mike gets killed.

J. Goodman: He’s badass, but he’s old. No one really expects him to be as good as he is. Shit, I expected him to get capped in the refrigerated Los Pollos Hermanos truck, but he flipped the script on his attackers. This season, there won’t be many more scripts he can flip [Ed. note: Literally]

2. Hank busts Walter and he goes to jail.

J. Goodman: This has to happen. The show has toyed with Hank NOT knowing that the criminal mastermind Heisenberg is literally sitting across from him. In this fifth and final season, there needs to be a face-off and Hank’s going to win because when you break bad, you either die or get busted. It’s that simple.

3. Jesse takes over while Walt’s in the slammer.

Dre: Jesse made all of us proud in his Mexico stint where he went face-to-face with the cartel and said, “And wipe down your damn facilities, BITCH!” (sort of). Jesse has come a long way from his oversized, bright yellow jackets. I’m very curious where they take his relationship with Walt. It is the most important dynamic on the show (Skyler/Walt and Hank/Walt are a close second and third). Does Walt start to feel threatened by Jesse, the son he never had? The son he doesn’t feel guilty yelling at? Hmm.

4. Skinny Pete OD’s.

Dre: We might as well pour a 40 right now in memory of Skinny Pete. No one stays that skinny and does this amount of drugs and not OD. I expect a high body count this season because Vince Gilligan - unlike last year - knows this is it for the show. 

5. Marie Schrader’s kleptomania storyline is not resurrected.

J. Goodman: Wow, this storyline seemed like it was going to matter in Season 1. They even resurrected it later. Then it went nowhere. It mattered not. It was just something to make Hank’s wife/Skylar’s sister feel more like a real actress. Luckily, this is Season 5 and there’s no time for nonessential plot lines.

6. Jesse bangs Skylar in the car wash bathroom. Bitch.

J. Goodman: We all know Skylar will bang on the side. Why not go full cougar? Walt’s already in jail, but Saul is too scummy. Skylar will become desperate and flock towards Jesse’s new found prominence. Next thing you know, panties dropping. Bitch.

7. Walter Jr. gets killed in a car accident when he’s too slow to hit the brake with his left foot.

J. Goodman: I’ve been waiting for this to happen since Walter Jr. tried to do donuts in the parking lot. Everyone knows you can’t drive with both feet. No one will see this coming except Fully Operational who has seen this coming since, like, forever. Sure Walter Jr. (Flynn) is a sentimental character, but if Breaking Bad stands for anything it’s this: sentimental characters don’t stand a chance (i.e., Gale).

8. Badger becomes Saul’s new right-hand man and is awful at that, too.

Dre: I love Badger so this might just be wishful thinking on my part. I’d like to see Badger get more screen time this season and what better way than to get him involved in some of Saul’s shenanigans? I can already see Saul’s exasperated reactions to Badger’s every screwup, unable to fire him lest he feel the wrath of his client (Jesse). This just feels like a match made in heaven.

9. Walt gets out of jail at the end of the season (Saul works his magic) and kills Hank.

Dre:  This would be the super-duper-dark finale where maybe, just maybe, Mr. White gets away with it all. Freed from jail, he’s lost his family. Hank busting him earlier in the season might be too much for Walt’s pride. He will have to show Hank that Hank doesn’t get to do him in, that he (Walt) will always be THE ONE WHO KNOCKS.

10. Walt beats Jesse with one of Walt Jr.’s crutches (that’s still in the closet because he felt too attached to get rid of them).

Dre:  This one maybe works on a metaphorical level but it’s incredibly stupid. Why did we include this one again? [Ed. note: Beats me]

So that’s your season. No need to watch the show now. On the bright side, now you can spend some time outdoors and enjoy the summer. Global warming, it’s fun.

We just posted the first of Dre’s week-long Film Distilled series on Breaking Bad. Check it out here.